We Want BEER!!
Ten years later…
I entered the bleachers last year to see the Yankees play the Royals. I heard of the no beer rule, and so, did what every other bleacher bum is now forced to do—walk across the street to one of the local bars and take shots of Jack Daniels so I can “keep a buzz on” for the next three hours. I, along with a couple buddies, however, immediately felt out of place when we entered the stadium. My friend stood up rudely and called Aaron Guile (the Royals right fielder) a fallacious piece of shit! He looked around the section for some laughs, but was, instead, greeted with parental, disapproving glances. The section was flooded with families who certainly didn’t want to hear some drunk yelling profanities at the ballplayers. There were some “bleacher creatures” still looming, but there was no unity. We sat there feeling drunk and awkward for the rest of the game.
I went to my first Yankee game of the year against the Tampa Bay Devil Rays a couple of weeks ago. It was a fine game, and I wasn’t sitting in the bleachers. Sipping beer, I had to go to the bathroom in the sixth inning. As I unzipped, a guy came in the bathroom and said, “Securities after me! This is bullshit! Some kid was wearing a Red Sox hat and I ripped it off his head and threw it on the ground!” The crowded bathroom stood staring at this guy, who, even in New York, was impossible to ignore. Someone bravely yelled “Relax! Calm down buddy!” The man rebuttaled, “RELAX! HOW can I RELAX?! This is bullshit! Thirty years ago if a fan wore a Red Sox hat at a Yankees-Devil Rays game they would be shot! Shot in the fucking head!” It was at the end of this ridiculous statement, where everyone in the bathroom looked at each other and slowly left the bathroom.
The number of falsities in this man’s statement are endless. For one thing, the Devil Rays were created in 1998, and I don’t think shooting anybody thirty years ago was allowed. But the point of the story is this: Despite Yankee personnel’s best efforts to improve the “environment” of the stadium, they have only made it worse. Bleacher bums, instead of sticking to the crowded section in right field are now filtering throughout the stadium, even to the box seats, which they continuously cheer against. Not to mention that bleacher bum chants are funny, cheerful, and though not in great taste, are usually passable. I have never once heard someone say they want to kill anybody, or knock hats off an opposing team’s fans. While I cannot excuse the crazed bathroom fans reaction, I will say that without a home the bleacher creatures have started to lose their minds. Hatred has built up inside of them as a result of having to buy expensive seats, just to be able to buy expensive beer. And now they take their vengeance out on the wealthier sections.
So please Yankee stadium, give the bleacher bums back their home. Cut your losses, keep the rest of the stadium “orderly,” and let the bums be bums in the bleachers. Open up beer sales in the bleachers again, and then everyone will be happy. (Except Aaron Guile)